Humour Time: It's in the Bible~~~(Just a joke....LOL)

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying.

Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long flights.

One time, she was sitting next to a man.
When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.

After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."

He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"

She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."

He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."

"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.

"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.

Link to more Christian Jokes

How can this be?

This is what the LORD says: "In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' "They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill. Isa 49:8-9 (NIV)

For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation. 2Cor 6:2 (NIV)


One of the greatest things that God has done for us in Christ is that He wants to express His nature on this earth through us who believe. Whatever God does is usually very big and unimaginable, and sometimes we may feel so intimidated and inadequate, and even withdraw to our comfort zones.

A look at some stories from the bible will reveal this fact to us:
1. Luke 1:5-25
2. Romans 4:18-21, Genesis 18:10-15
3. Joshua 1: 1-9
4. John 5:1-7
5. Acts 12: 15-16
6. Luke 1:26-38

In these stories, we observe that the people did not have as much benefit of hindsight like we have in this our time. Now we can study about them, and understand how God began a new thing and finished it in their life. And in most cases, the fulfillment of God's word came many generations after they were dead and gone.

The bible tells us that the word of God is like a seed, and a seed has the potential to become a forest. Some seeds grow to become fruitful plants in three months, and some may take many years. Yet whenever the Lord places demand the tree it is expected to produce fruit in obedience (Mark 11:12-14). What is the word of God to you in this season? What is it that God is prompting your heart to do for Him? What bold steps is God telling you to take for Him, and what are you afraid of? Remember that this is a season of God's favour upon us (2 Cor 6-2).

It may be easy to read the bible and to believe for God's favour, but really, when the favour comes you need to have faith in order to lay hold of it.

Sometimes, and maybe most times, the favour of God does not come to us in pleasant forms. Yet, because we trust in Him, through faith we can stand in assurance that He has the best of intentions for our life.

So today, it does not matter whatever obstacles or difficulties you may be passing through.

Whether you are married or single...it doesn't matter!
Whether you've been broken hearted or disappointed in a relationship...it doesn't matter!
Whether you come from a broken home...it doesn't matter!
Whether you have don't have a job or in some financial difficulty...it doesn't matter!

It does not matter because God is aware of these things. There are some things He will remove completely from your life, yet there are others He will leave, and its not because He hates you. Jesus said that "strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leads to life (Matt 7:14)." He wants you to minister to Him in that narrow situation, give Him praise in that narrowness, give Him glory in that straitness. And sometimes it may even feel like dying, but not to worry, "a grain of wheat remains no more than a single grain unless it is dropped into the ground and dies. If it does die, then it produces many grains" (John 12:24).

There are just a few points here that I would like to mention as attitudes to adopt in receiving or laying hold of God's favour:

1. Study the word of God (2Tim 2:15, Luke 11:28, Matt 22:29, Josh 1:8)
2. Believe the word of God (Mar 1:15, Mar 9:23, Josh 1:7)
3. Pray (Mat 26:41, Mar 13:33, Luk 18:1, Mar 11:24, 1Thess 5:17-18, Phil 4:6)
4. Worship and Praise (Psa 99:9, Luk 4:8)

This is what Jesus demonstrated to us by His life on earth, that is the way of the Master. "And it pleased God that the fullness of the Godhead should dwell in Him bodily" (Col 2:9); and "Christ in you is the hope of God's glory on this earth (Col 1:27)."

This year you need to rise up in the knowledge and understanding of your spiritual position in God and walk in that revelation towards your destiny. The word of God is going forth as I speak to you today. Jesus said His word is Spirit and life (John 6:63). Jesus sent His word and His word healed and delivered (Psalm 107:20).

Remember, God has your victory planned in Christ, but you must learn to rise up in faith, in prayer, and in praise. This is the season to lay hold of your inheritance in Christ, and I declare that the favour of God is upon you, in the name of Jesus. Amen



Note:
Favour in Hebrew and Greek generally
mean: Acceptable (ed, ance), Delight,
Pleasure, Approved, Grace, (graciousness),
Kindness. (Strong's Hebrew / dictionary).

LOL~~~ And may our homes be filled with the love of God, always!♬ ♩☆♬ ♩♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~ (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV)~~~May our homes be filled with the love of God, always!

A Startling Summons…

“Then shall the kingdom of Heaven be likened to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. The foolish ones took their lamps, but took no oil with them. But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom comes! Go out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, Give us some of your oil, for our lamps have gone out. But the wise answered, saying, No, lest there be not enough for us and you. But rather go to those who sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came. And they who were ready went in with him to the marriage, and the door was shut. Afterwards the other virgins came also, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Truly I say to you, I do not know you. Therefore watch, for you do not know either the day or the hour in which the Son of Man comes.”~~~ (Matthew 25:1-13 MKJV)

The circumstances of the parable of the ten virgins were taken from the marriage customs among the Jews, and explain the great day of Christ's coming. See the nature of Christianity. As Christians we profess to attend upon Christ, to honour him, also to be waiting for his coming. Sincere Christians are the wise virgins, and hypocrites the foolish ones. Those are the truly wise or foolish that are so in the affairs of their souls. Many have a lamp of profession in their hands, but have not, in their hearts, sound knowledge and settled resolution, which are needed to carry them through the services and trials of the present state. Their hearts are not stored with holy dispositions, by the new-creating Spirit of God. Our light must shine before men in good works; but this is not likely to be long done, unless there is a fixed, active principle in the heart, of faith in Christ, and love to God and our brethren.

They all slumbered and slept. The delay represents the space between the real or apparent conversion of these professors, and the coming of Christ, to take them away by death, or to judge the world. But though Christ tarry past our time, he will not tarry past the due time. The wise virgins kept their lamps burning, but they did not keep themselves awake. Too many real Christians grow remiss, and one degree of carelessness makes way for another. Those that allow themselves to slumber, will scarcely keep from sleeping; therefore dread the beginning of spiritual decays.

A startling summons was given. Go ye forth to meet Him, is a call to those prepared. The notice of Christ's approach, and the call to meet him, will awaken. Even those best prepared for death have work to do to get actually ready, (2Peter 3:14). It will be a day of search and inquiry; and it concerns us to think how we shall then be found. Some wanted oil to supply their lamps when going out. Those that take up short of true grace, will certainly find the want of it one time or other. An outward profession may light a man along this world, but the damps of the valley of the shadow of death will put out such a light. Those who care not to live the life, yet would die the death of the righteous. But those that would be saved, must have grace of their own; and those that have most grace, have none to spare.

The best need more from Christ. And while the poor alarmed soul addresses itself, upon a sick-bed, to repentance and prayer, in awful confusion, death comes, judgment comes, the work is undone, and the poor sinner is undone for ever. This comes of having oil to buy when we should burn it, grace to get when we should use it. Those, and those only, shall go to heaven hereafter, that are made ready for heaven here. The suddenness of death and of Christ's coming to us then, will not hinder our happiness, if we have been prepared. The door was shut. Many will seek admission into heaven when it is too late. The vain confidence of hypocrites will carry them far in expectations of happiness. The unexpected summons of death may alarm the Christian; but, proceeding without delay to trim his lamp, his graces often shine more bright; while the mere professor's conduct shows that his lamp is going out. Watch therefore, attend to the business of your souls. Be in the fear of the Lord all the day long. God bless you!

*Culled from Matthew Henry’s Concise Bible Commentary

The Choice of Fleshly Lust…

“My son, listen to my wisdom; bow your ear to my understanding; in order to keep discretion, that your lips may keep knowledge. For the lips of a strange woman drip honey, and her palate is smoother than oil; but afterward she is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell, lest you should meditate on the path of life, her tracks are movable; you cannot know them. And now hear me, O sons, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Remove your ways far from her, and do not come near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the cruel; that strangers not be filled with your strength, and your labors be in the house of a stranger; and you moan when your end comes, when your flesh and muscle are eaten away, and say, How I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction; and I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor bowed down my ears to those who taught me!.”~~~(Proverbs 5:1-13 MKJV)

Solomon cautions all young men, as his children, to abstain from fleshly lusts. Some, by the adulterous woman, here understand idolatry, false doctrine, which tends to lead astray men's minds and manners; but the direct view is to warn against seventh-commandment sins (The 7^th Commandment: You shall not commit adultery -Exodus 20:14). Often these have been, and still are, Satan's method of drawing men from the worship of God into false religion. Consider how fatal the consequences; how bitter the fruit! Take it any way, it wounds. It leads to the torments of hell. The direct tendency of this sin is to the destruction of body and soul. We must carefully avoid every thing which may be a step towards it. Those who would be kept from harm must keep out of harm's way. If we thrust ourselves into temptation we mock God when we pray, Lead us not into temptation. How many mischiefs attend this sin! It blasts the reputation; it wastes time; it ruins the estate; it is destructive to health; it will fill the mind with horror. Though thou art merry now, yet sooner or later it will bring sorrow. The convinced sinner reproaches himself, and makes no excuse for his folly. By the frequent acts of sin, the habits of it become rooted and confirmed. By a miracle of mercy true repentance may prevent the dreadful consequences of such sins; but this is not often; far more die as they have lived. What can express the case of the self-ruined sinner in the eternal world, enduring the remorse of his conscience!

“Drink waters out of your own cistern, and running waters out of your own well. Should your overflowing spring be scattered abroad as rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only your own, and not strangers' with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Like the loving deer and pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and be ravished always with her love. And why will you, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of Jehovah, and He watches all his paths. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be held with the cords of his sin. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.”~~~(Proverbs 5:15-23 MKJV)

Lawful marriage is a means God has appointed to keep from these destructive vices. But we are not properly united, except as we attend to God's word, seeking his direction and blessing, and acting with affection. Ever remember, that though secret sins may escape the eyes of our fellow-creatures, yet a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, who not only sees, but ponders all his goings. Those who are so foolish as to choose the way of sin, are justly left of God to themselves, to go on in the way to destruction.

Culled from Matthew Henry’s Concise Bible Commentary

The Christian Focus and Self-Discipline

"Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ, as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts as in your ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."(1Peter 1:13-16 NKJV)

Just as men would gird their loins so that their robes wouldn’t get caught on obstructions as they walked, this is how we are to gird the loins of our minds. We must remain focused and sober.

Christians will do well in these times to be sober, to be watchful against all spiritual dangers and enemies, and to be temperate in all behaviour. We are instructed to be sober-minded in opinion, as well as in practice, and humble in our judgment of ourselves. A strong and perfect trust in the grace of God, is agreeable with best endeavours in our duty. Holiness should be the desire and duty of every Christian. It must be in all affairs, in every condition, and towards all people. We must especially watch and pray against the sins to which we are inclined. The written word of God is the surest rule of a Christian's life, and by this rule we are commanded to be holy every way. God makes those He has saved to become holy.

THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN 4

"The gentleman is a man of truth, lord of his own actions, and expressing that lordship in his behavior; not in any manner dependent or servile, either on persons, or opinions, or possessions."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a rare joke that Adam in trying to show himself a Perfect Gentleman when, seeing what his wife, Eve had done, he bit back the bitter words he might have said, and then-he too-took a bite of the apple: but alas! How far he fell immediately afterward, when he stammered his pitiable explanation that the woman tempted him and he did eat!

The actual story behind this joke could possibly raise a number of questions about Adam’s character. Was Adam trying to be a type of a truly admirable character to his wife when he ate the apple his wife gave him without any question, even though he knew that it was forbidden by their creator to eat of the fruit of that tree? I believe that one of the greatest tests of a man’s character is how he responds when temptations are suggested to him through the people he loves most. These loved ones may in any case mean no harm or even perhaps mean the best of affection while unknowingly being a vehicle of temptation to the man. The true gentleman must respond, but in all gentleness, except the occasion calls for a sharp rebuke! He must possess the wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong and while always trying to do what is right, albeit with much tact. A reminder of the timeless wise caution to all men: “be shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.”

It is well said that real men are marked by how they stand for what they believe. They follow a clear conscience in their decisions and aspire to be found honorable and upright by abiding by strong principles no matter what others say. They have the courage to do what is right and to try new things even when it is hard or costly. They build and guard their reputation they do not lose heart if they fail or don’t get what they want in a certain venture; rather they are bold enough to persist while learning from their past mistakes.

A true gentleman will tell the truth, first to himself and then to everyone else and in all circumstances, nothing but the truth. He is always forthright and candid in his dealings with all men and is willing to be found naïve in such acts as lying, cheating, stealing, sneaky or deceptive behaviour. Such gentlemen honor their word and are committed to being dependable. When gentlemen borrow, they return what they have borrowed and pay their debts in due time. They do not procrastinate and are found to be punctual at all occasions they are invited. These are men who stand by and protect their family, friends, school and country. They are such fellows who cherish friendships and look out for those who care about them. They do not betray a trust and would rather forgive an offence quickly; however, they would not do anything just so others will like them, because they live by principles which are truly divine.

When a man treats fellow men the way he wants to be treated, he has fulfilled the ‘Golden Rule’ – “do unto others as you would want them to do to you”. Real men respect the dignity, privacy and freedom of all individuals. They value and honor all people, no matter what they can do for them or to them. They understand the importance of respect for other peoples’ property and take good care of property they are allowed to use; they don’t take or use peoples’ property without permission. The respect for the autonomy of other people’s choices is acknowledged by men of character, they tell them what they should know to make good choices about their own lives instead of imposing their opinions. They don’t use or manipulate others or abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Their judgment of others is based on character, abilities, and conduct without regard to race, religion, gender, where they live, how they dress or the amount of money they have. They learn to be tolerant, respectful and accepting of those who are different from them. They listen to others and try to understand varying points of views and resolve disagreements peacefully, without responding to insults or resorting to anger and violence.

Stanley Walker once said that if you, “associate with well-mannered persons your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.” Therefore every gentleman must learn to use good manners, be courteous, polite and civil to everyone. A gentleman must never use put-downs, insults or ridicule to embarrass or hurt others.

How can a true gentleman recognize himself? It’s not going to be by reflection alone, but also through action. Every man who aspires to be great must therefore begin at once to do their duty in their station in life and immediately he will know what is inside him. It is the moral duty of gentlemen to accept responsibility for the consequences of their choices, not only for what they do but also for what they don’t do. They must think about consequences on themselves and others before they act. They must set a good example and think long-term in every endeavor, and they must do whatever they can do to make things better wherever they find themselves. Real men don’t look the other way when they can make a difference and they don’t make excuses or blame others when they fail to make a difference.

An important call of men today is to make all they do worthy of honour and emulation, to take charge of their own life and by setting realistic goals they will keep a positive outlook. Hence, it is noble for men to be prudent and self-disciplined with their health, emotions, time and money. By learning to know the difference between what he has a right to do and what is right to do, a man will become self-reliant and manage his life so he is not dependent on others. Nevertheless, good men do not miss an opportunity to help people in need without strings attached, just for the sake of making someone else’s life better, not for praise or gratitude.

Ralph Waldo Emerson rightly said that, “Men of character are the conscience of the society to which they belong." Accordingly, true gentlemen are found to be good citizens and good neighbors. They care about and pursue the common good of all. They cultivate a taste for cleanliness and order and readily volunteer to help their community become better, cleaner and safer. These men of noble character participate in making things better by voicing their opinion, voting, serving on committees, reporting wrongdoing and paying taxes. They know how to play by and live by the rules. They are the ones who have learnt to obey parents, teachers, coaches and others who have been given authority over them. By observing just laws, they honor and respect principles of democracy in their nations. These are the men in every nation and tribe who are daily being transformed from the fallen nature of Adam to the risen nature of Jesus Christ – the Perfect Gentleman.

*For further reading, please click the following links:

THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN 1

THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN 2

THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN 3

Uche Aneke

Email: houseofvirtue@gmail.com

THE ORDER OF MELCHIZEDEK 1

“And the king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer and of the kings with him, at the valley of Shaveh, which is the king's valley. And Melchizedek the king of Salem brought forth bread and wine. And he was the priest of the most high God. And he blessed him, and said, Blessed be Abram of the most high God, possessor of Heaven and earth. And blessed be the most high God, who has delivered your enemies into your hand. And he gave him tithes of all. And the king of Sodom said to Abram, Give me the people and take the goods for yourself. And Abram said to the king of Sodom, I have lifted up my hand to Jehovah, the most high God, the possessor of Heaven and earth, that I will take from all that is yours, not from a thread even to a shoestring, lest you say, I have made Abram rich. Nothing for me, only that which the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men who went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.” ~~~(Genesis 14:17-24 MKJV…also Hebrews 6:20, 5:6, 7:17,21) 

 

What really is the Order of Melchizedek? ……..In the above Bible verse, we learn that after Abram and his alliance of 3 men who were connected with him went out to defeat the 5 kings, the king of Sodom came out to pay tribute to Abram for what Abram had done in setting Sodom and the surrounding places free. Here the King of Sodom represents the king of this earth, or the system of this world. We often realize as Christians that after we come into a dimension of power, or into a place of victory, the things that will try to lay hold of us will come from the systems of this world. The final attack on the church is not coming from the demonic world, its coming from the market place; it’s going to be how we as Christians will survive in the market place (the places of our daily interactions with the world).  This is why demons are gong to find every way and means not just to attack us directly, but they will begin to use the systems of this world, to latch unto us, to attack us, and to reduce the strength of the local church. That’s why people are going to be sucked up into the systems of this world, their jobs, their vocations and everything that happens around and about their lives.

 

The devil plans to draw Christians away, just like King Nebuchadnezzar came into Jerusalem and for 2 years he made a siege over Jerusalem, and took over the city and took every article from the temple (2 kings 24:10-13), so that the temple function will be hindered. In like manner, the church will always be hindered from moving forward because the articles of the house have been attacked. God’s people are His articles, God dwells in them- His gifts are in them, His power, His grace, His grace are all in His people, so that the people can release them and function in them! Therefore if the devil lays hold of people, then the work is going to be hindered and destroyed. So find out that when Abram is making advancement that the king of Sodom comes in to intercept in order to lay hold of what Abram has become. We must understand that the devil doesn’t come to kill unless you have life! He doesn’t come to steal, unless you have something valuable and worthy of being stolen! And he doesn’t come to destroy, unless you are a threat to his kingdom! That’s why every Christian must understand that this Order of Melchizedek is a kind of special ministry that God is giving to the Church, that will protect the church from the attacks of the enemy through the market place.

 

You see it’s easy to understand how in the spiritual realm that the devil’s there and we are here, and we know how to bind and loose, but the tangible manifestation of these things will occur in the market place. The Order of Melchizedek shows us that the same way that Abram or Abraham - the Father of Faith – overcame the devil and the system of this world is how we (the church of our Lord Jesus Christ) must overcome the systems of this world and the powers of darkness in the market place. This Order will give the church the grace to govern and the power to prevail! It is this kind of grace that is needed inside the church today so that we can prevail over the powers of the enemy in every environment or situation we may find ourselves. So that we can be like Isaac (in Genesis 26:16) going into Abimelech’s territory and begin to realize that we have become more powerful than them, even though we came in as strangers, but now, we are taking over! We cross into their territory in order to take over. God is giving His people all kinds of territories to take over – in different nations, or regions or politics, military, entertainment, media, sports, etc. God is restoring back the articles which the devil had stolen from the temple. And when all these articles are returned to the temple, then the whole house will be in full function!

 

Praise the Lord!

 Uche

Compiled from my notes on the Message of Dr Jonathan David: The Order of Melchizedek.